Just when did life get so meaningful? So focused? So
purposeful? As children, we did so many things for no apparent reason or
purpose. Such joy.
So just when did we stop doing that? When did we begin our
quest for purpose? When did we start examining things, evaluating things – wondering
if it is purposeful, worthy of our time, effort and money. In doing so, did
some of the joy slip away? Did we allow the joy to slip away?
Writing is one such example for me. It doesn’t take very long
for me to write this blog. Maybe one hour. A day has twenty-four. It leaves me
feeling better, calmer; sometimes more energetic. My whirring thoughts quiet
down. At least one crazy thought has been let out and it leaves me feeling lighter.
Yet it has no purpose. It has no goal. I doubt it serves any
greater good. It has a very low priority in the overall scheme of things, my
life and my day. I am often surprised the blog has made it this far.
Which brings me to question why we balk at doing stuff for
ourselves. Stuff that is solely for ourselves. Stuff that has no apparent
purpose. Writing is a self-centered, one-person activity. It does not involve
anyone else. It requires me to take the time; make the time exclusively for
myself.
When I write, I may drift off; yet I may be aware of a
husband or child hovering around hoping for some attention. Most times I give
in and relinquish the writing. Not because they want me to or because they expect
me to, but because I perceive the writing to have a lower priority. Because I
give it a lower priority.
Else if I have zoned out as I sometimes do; or if I decide
to steadfastly hold my thought and refuse to stop writing (as I increasingly
find myself doing these days), I’m sometimes hit with a pang of guilt. Guilt
for not setting priorities right. For
being selfish almost. Yet nobody in my family thinks so. They are happy that I
write and have a creative outlet that even poor health can’t take away from me.
Each of us will has something or many things that make us
feel good; that are good for us; yet we balk at making the time for them. Exercise,
eating well, meeting friends, calling a friend… you know what your list is… you
know what your priority is…
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