Snowed in…

My mind and I have been whirling dervishes since our return from India. Operating on little sleep; waking up at 2 a.m. and staring at the ceiling; unpacking, getting my home into order; preparing, planning, accepting the reality of surgery in a few days (yes the real elephant in the room has been discovered).

Mix jetlag with a sense of displacement after a long vacation with family and friends in India, with a certain reality check, with apprehension of an upcoming surgery can cause a lot of jitteriness (even to an already jittery person). Really, who in their right mind plans surgery ten days on their return, I wondered. I got no answers and a feeble one said “me”. Sigh… Oh well... I busied myself, doing things, trying to do everything, appointments, planning, preparing, adjusting… In my jetlagged daze, I turned into a whirling dervish - doing unnecessary things; giving importance to unnecessary things… Yes I tried to avoid facing what was really scaring me. The upcoming surgery.

It was a busy week… and then it began to snow. The skies dumped away white powdery stuff… we watched (and continue to watch) with amazement as the streets outside turned white and much higher than usual. The basketball courts from in front of our house vanished and the basketball hoops stood incongruously in the blanket of white beneath. Schools were closed, few cars dared to come outside, my appointments were cancelled.

It began to snow… and I was forced to calm down. There was no going anywhere; there was no planning anything; there was just being in the moment. And it turned out to be a good moment -- Snowball fights, happy squeals in the park outside, sledding in the neighborhood, endless cups of chai, board games and cards.

I screamed my head off sledding down the slope (ahem…almost crashing into the house at the end of the street. Really, why did they even build a home there?) I was amazed at how much fun I was having. All my running around and getting everything done stopped. All my crazy frenzy and acting like I was not going to be able to do anything after the surgery (ever) stopped. All my fretting and fuming stopped.

Nature was forcing me to slow down; it was giving me no choice but to be in the moment, only in the moment. And the moment was a beautiful one – filled with fun, family, friends and shovels of snow.

Whether I will even make it to the surgery remains to be seen – if nature permits, if the roads permit. But I am thankful for the snow and the fun I’ve had in the last few days and for the slowing down it has forced me to accept. It was reassuring for me to realize that we are all fairly simple and happy beneath it all. And that this forced holiday gave me a chance to appreciate it.