Do you speak to strangers?

Yes. I talk to strangers. As a child, the only thing my mother worried about me was that I was perfectly capable of striking up a conversation with strangers and happily taking off with them. Quite a scary thought I agree. And so she warned me well, and she warned me often.

I suppose it worked and there is an absolutely awful story (that I have heard more often than I cared to – which is why I’m posting it here (!!) oh well…). One of my mom’s college students, who lived in the neighborhood, saw me running home, all of four or five years old, with a bloody nose. I used to get terrible nose bleeds and had blood all over my clothes. It looked a lot worse than it actually was. He probably panicked and offered to take me home. I refused. He really wanted to help and went ahead and picked me up to carry me home. I panicked, remembered my mom’s advice (I suppose) and actually bit the poor fellow so he would let go of me!!! I know I know… I’ll never have any friends again.

So yes, I try not to talk to strangers, but sometimes I forget. And sometimes I really want to talk to strangers, but I hesitate. As I did this morning.

I was in an infusion center for an iron infusion. I was almost done when a young lad, probably in his early twenties, walked in. He seemed proud and confident, but had recently had a really rough time, with ER visits, constant nausea, a recent flight possible only with pain meds. Yes yes, not only do I talk to strangers, but I also eavesdrop. Sigh…I suppose I’ll never have any friends again.

In my defense, the infusion room was small and there was no way I could escape the conversation between him and the nurses. My heart went out to the guy. I knew his story. I knew his pain. I wanted to say something to him. But no, I did not talk to this stranger.

Yet, I remembered him after I got home and felt awful for not reaching out to him (and so, sat down to write this instead). But do tell me…

Would a quick, “hang in there buddy”, have been so terrible?

Would a quick, “I know what you’re going through and how rough it is”, have made a chink in his armor and weakened him? He was after all, protecting himself with a shield that I knew and understood well. And he looked perfectly well from outside.

Would a quick, “I’ve been there – it can only get better from here”, have offered him false (?) hope.

Would a quick, “you’re so strong – to go through everything you’re going through. Just keep going”, have been absolutely crazy coming from some crazy woman?

I don’t know. I don’t know if it would have helped or hurt. I don’t know if I’m glad or not that I remained quiet and non-interfering. I do know however that reaching out to him was a spontaneous reaction that I somewhat subdued and withheld – to conform to a certain societal norm (?) to not invade his privacy (?) to not alarm or weaken him (?).

I thought I would have an answer or at least an idea by the time I finished writing this. I don’t. I still don’t know if such behavior makes us less humane or more respectful of the other person’s privacy. Do tell me if you know…