What is the price we pay?

My friend was recounting stories about her aunt who is quite the superwoman. The stories were certainly admirable, but then she mentioned how being a superwoman came at a price.

I paused. I agreed. I have thought the same quite often (from the time I was a youngster even) and figured writing may help. So here goes.

As a youngster, I was confused by the fact the Mahatma Gandhi had a strained relationship with his son. Here was a man loved by millions; yet his son distanced himself from him.

I was confused by the fact that Maharshi Karve, who did pioneering work in the field of women education and empowerment, had a difficult and strained family life. Was it only due to the societal backlash for the reform he was trying to bring about?

His reform was in the city where I grew up, and possibly the reason why women of several generations before me were educated. Nonetheless, I thought it was sad that his personal life and the personal lives of many such visionaries were so strained.  

Now that I’m no longer a youngster, I’ve grown to accept that greatness often comes at a cost. I now wonder if the great ones and their families simply make their peace with it.

And then, what about the not so great? Don’t know about you, but I have no claims to greatness and I certainly cannot compare myself to great people of the past with great causes and visions.

Yet, I believe we pay a price. Many of us. For the things we do, for the dreams we chase, for the sacrifices we make, for the strength we show, for the purpose we see, for meaning we find, for responsibility, for courage, for love, for truth…

At the risk of offending physicists all over, I wonder if Newton’s words hold true here as well…
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Sense of purpose, meaning, commitment to a cause, love, joy, self identity, relationships, fun, realizing potential, responsibility, ambition… the list could go on.

In chasing one, do we lose another?

You and I both know that the trick is balance. You and I have both heard about striking the right balance. Does the balance tip over when we go beyond what is in our normal and natural stride or capacity to do so? It may be about chasing a giant dream or it may be something as small as smiling when we really don’t feel like, or staying strong when we feel weak.

And even when we know, can we give ourselves permission to not be so, even if we feel so? And for each time we do so, what is the price we pay?

Would a simple awareness of this phenomenon be the first step? But again, is such awareness even possible whilst we are in the throes of chasing a dream, rising to responsibility, staying strong, being focused, doing the right thing? Will it hit us only later, much later?

Sigh… this is getting gloomier with every word I type. Honestly, the purpose was to figure it all out. Sigh…

Perhaps an awareness of the price we pay is not possible. But an awareness of the things that matter to us is. And that seems like valuable information.

Perhaps an awareness of how fulfilling or important or meaningful doing something is can help us determine our need to do it, even if it is at a price. For the resulting happiness has go t to mean something right?

And perhaps, acceptance of the fact that we won’t do everything right, even if we do our best; that we will pay a price for some of our actions of today, may help

And perhaps, in chasing our dreams or doing the necessary, or the right thing, listening to the little voice that reminds us of the true big things that matter, may help.

And perhaps letting go of a few things, when we feel the price we will pay is too much, may help, even if it feels uncomfortable or unreasonable to do so today.