Clutter

I don’t think I would qualify as a neat freak. But there are times when I get overwhelmed by clutter; when my eyes do not want to see more things; when my brain feels burdened at having to process anything more. One of my letting go goals is to have fewer things, less clutter and make room for the things I truly want.

That has not happened yet.

And when I sporadically try, I wonder if there is any hope even. I look in despair at the scraps of colored papers (ahem…art pieces, notes, rhymes, jokes…). Yikes! They must be hermaphrodites! They seem to follow some self fertilizing system. How else do they multiply and reproduce so rapidly and seem to be everywhere… the closet, the car, the floor, in the deep abyss of my handbag…

Ah… my handbag. Last week I decided to clean out my handbag. And since I was feeling particularly brave and ambitious, I decided to clean out…five. Yes. You read right. My moment of insanity? Not that any of them were stuffed. But all of them had in their deep voids, stray remnants of a time that had flown by, of moments that were to never return… In other words – trash.

Toothpicks, gross looking candy, hairpins, safety pins, shimmering, shiny leftovers of something, piece of putty, ticket stubs of sorts, art pieces made by a then eight-year-old…you get the gist…

It should have been a quick task, right? Throw away the dried up stick of gum, put the pen away, shred the old prescription, dust out all unpleasant matter at the bottom of the purse, and recycle the chewed up, rolled up scraps of paper.

Now perhaps, if I had given the task to my husband, it would all have happened – with lightening speed even – in ten minutes or so, I imagine.

Not to suggest any gender stereotypes (I’m not a fan of those), but even if you twist my arm, I will not divulge how long I sat amidst those bags. Now, now… don’t judge… these were after all, interesting flashes from my past… sigh…

Here was a receipt of something I bought in India. So of course, my mind wandered to that day and continent… An old lipstick - of course, I had to check if that color still worked for me… Returning from the mirror, now wearing bright lipstick, I found a note from my naturopath with suggestions… wow I never tried those out – hmm… maybe now would be a good time. Crumpled concert tickets… which obviously meant that I had to break out into a song. 

Yes. There I was in my pajamas, wearing bright lipstick, trying to sing while sucking on to maple candy from Canada, dabbed generously with natural perfume found in yet another bag, reading a booklet on Adi Shankaracharya, from a place visited in Kerala, trying to decide which pieces of ‘art’ should be kept… Sigh… is there any hope for me?

Despite the fact that I’m still surrounded by clutter, my solid stubbornness will not allow me to quit. I spent hours yesterday trying to organize electronically, the never-ending creations, inventions and pieces of paper that belong to a certain nine-year-old. I scanned documents and clicked pictures and then threw away (yay!!) school projects, artwork from summer camps, and other endless pieces of paper…

The plan is sound. The implementation is at best iffy. For despite the time I spent, I don’t think I really got very far. And I am still having trouble throwing out some original pieces of paper. Sigh…

Lot of sighing. I know. But I also know the root of my troubles. It is a combination of sloppiness and sentimentality that is preventing me from clearing the clutter.

But tell me, how do you throw away the original of this brilliant and necessary (??) invention? The blueprint (ahem… drawing) is already lost.

 

It makes me laugh. Some day, it will make my girl laugh. I want her and her future generations to have that laugh. But is this picture enough? Wouldn’t they like to see the fancy scroll-like thing she’s created for it?

More sighs… is there any hope for me? 

I thought of the clutter and looked at it again today. And instead of working on it, I decided to write about it.

Bigger sighs… is there ever going to be any hope for me?

Writing about it, didn’t make any of the clutter budge. But oddly enough, it cleared some clutter (in my head). It took away the overwhelm... It made me notice the humor in it all.

No. It didn’t make any of the clutter budge.
But I feel like there is still some hope for me…