How do we get past… the past?

Life happens. Things happen. Sh** happens. It happens to everyone. It happens to varying degrees. Difficult childhoods, broken dreams, lack of freedom, illness, tragedy, loss, frustrations, regrets… we’ve all travelled to those dark corners some time or other. To some extent or other. And even if it were only to the smallest extent, these dark areas lurk in our life and settle down in our being – stealthily, silently.  

For most part, they exist quietly, unruffled beneath the smooth surface. And whether or not they create a big stir in our life, they continue to exist. And whether or not they create a big stir in our lives, they ripple out every now and then. A quick reaction, a sharp tone or word, hurried rising of defenses, anxious stutters, nervous chatters, a blank stare, a pounding heart, a sinking feeling, lack of confidence…

I’m sure psychologists would offer a catalog of theories ranging from ‘fight or flight’ to what have you… All I’m trying to figure out is if we have some sort of learned responses to these dark spaces created by our past. And if they sneak up on us, no matter how quietly they exist, no matter how unsuspecting we may be of them and make us less grounded in a swift, fleeting moment.

How then do we break free of them? How do we leave the past behind and move into the future – free of all the dark shadows and the reactions they elicit?

Advice abounds about leaving the past in the past and living in the moment and moving forward. All good solid advice, I’m sure.

But how do you do that? Is it just me and my inner-cynic, or do other people wonder about that too? Is it possible to just leave the past in the past like that? To pretend that it never happened? To brush it off? To sweep it under the rug?

I wish it were that simple. I wish it were possible even. But unfortunately, something tells me, that we have to carry the weight with us. The weight of our past. The weight of our experiences. The dampness of our tears.

I know there seems to be no silver lining in this piece. I must have hit upon an especially dark corner today and am taking you straight to yours. Just great, right? Sigh…

But if must carry the weight, do we just make peace with the fact? If we must carry the weight, can we carry it with grace and dignity? With courage and a bigger perspective. A perspective that encompasses the good things in our life? 

Perhaps, if we can exist in some kind of harmony with these dark spaces, they won’t sneak up on us as much. And perhaps, acknowledging them and their space in our life (no matter how dark), will prevent them from bursting out like an angry child in the most unsuspecting of times. And perhaps, giving these spaces a place of dignity will allow us to carry them with dignity…