Dealing with disappointment…

“I’m going to make the most beautiful rainbow disc,” declared my eight-year-old as she found her Perler beads after years. And she set off to do just that. But the dad-daughter ironing effort resulted in her rainbow wonder looking not quite as wonderful as she had imagined. As she scowled with discontent at her bumpy-looking, less-than-perfect rainbow disc, she announced, “I’m going to throw it away” and tried to crumple it with her hands. “But you spent so much time creating it… how can you just throw it away like that?” I questioned.

Tears of disappointment, words of discontent followed. In her mind, the rainbow disc was a symbol of failure and she wanted it gone. I tried cajoling and even humor (that I wasn’t feeling), “Maybe if we get close to a real rainbow, it may have bumps too…” She grinned and then quickly remembered she had to be angry.

She wanted to throw it away. I would not let her. She wanted to forget about it. I wanted her to appreciate it despite the imperfections. And so it remained dejectedly on the coffee table and the kitchen counter. “Do you think everything in life is going to be perfect and will always turn out the way you want it to?” “Yes” she confidently replied and I backed off. There was no way on earth I was to tell her that life was going to bring its share of disappointments. For in her (Harry Potterish) world, that would make me a “deatheater” I’m sure.

But as a parent, I increasingly feel that if there were only one thing to teach my child, it would be to deal with disappointment and frustration. Now, only if I could send her to a class that did that and only if it didn’t involve me being a role-model or whatever else good mothers are supposed to be.

For I realized I was probably no role model for her to emulate. And if she went to a class that taught such things, she could give me a tip or two. For in the recent weeks, I have felt just as crushed by disappointment as my eight-year-old even if it hasn’t involved perler beads. My disappointment has been concerning my health and my inability to feel as “good as new”. And although I may not have ‘hrmphed’ as much outwardly or scowled angrily at a perler bead rainbow… for can I really scowl at myself or my internal organs in the same manner? But the emotions were pretty much accurately mirrored by my eight-year-old frowning at her rainbow disc.

And like most parents who want their child to be better than them…when I saw her poking at the ring this morning (trying to flatten it? trying to break it?), I went at it again. “If a parent had a child with really big ears, they would still love their child, right? They wouldn’t pinch the ears to make them smaller” I mentioned as she pinched her disc. She quickly touched her ears and went on to glare at me. (Sigh… I should probably mention to her this afternoon that she has great ears). “I love your rainbow disc because you spent so much time making it and you were so excited about the colors. I’m going to hang it in my car”, I declared.

I don’t know that I’ve created an optimum situation here. She wants to throw it away and forget about the whole darn thing. I want to hold on to it and even hang it in my car, to remind us to deal with disappointment better and to learn to accept the less-than-perfect in our life. Maybe I’m being tad harsh here. But I really don’t want her to throw away the colorful thing and want her to like it despite its bumps.  

For maybe if we get close to a real rainbow, it may have bumps too…