Of camping trips and letting go…

For the third consecutive year, my daughter went on her school camping trip (without me).

For the third consecutive year, she woke up very early, got dressed and woke me up with a “Mom, wake up! We have to get to school”.

For the third consecutive year, as I dropped her off at the curb, I felt that inexplicable feeling inside, a strange sense of having parted with something I was not supposed to (although it gets easier each year).

And as I do every year... I drove back and dug out this email I had sent to a few friends, the first year she went camping…

This year, for the first time, I noticed the subject of the email and smiled… and now I’ll stop being wordy and let you read…

Sent: Thursday, May 17, 2012 1:06 PM
Subject: letting go...

Anika went on her first camping trip yesterday. As the scrawny six-year-old lugged her sleeping bag, duffel and backpack, her eyes were lit with excitement and apprehension (or so I think...would like to think (??)). "Okay okay Mommy, I have to go now", as I gave her a bear hug. And before I had even stood up, she was gone...simply vanished into one of the parked cars... i didn't even know which one.

Will it be so quick...will their childhood be so effervescent... gone in a blink of the eye? Before we can stand up, take a breath, will it have simply vanished?

Do we need to teach ourselves to not hold on too tight to something so fleeting...but simply savor it and then let it go...why then, is it so hard to let go...