Beneath it all… Justin Bieber or not…

Gossiping begins pretty early, I suppose. Especially when it revolves around Justin Bieber. I overheard more than a few conversations between my daughter and her friends discussing, disapproving, disliking, and finally distancing themselves from Justin Bieber. So the other day, when I heard some rather strong words against the guy, as they discussed jail, drunk driving and such (their version of course), I said, “Oh... He’s just a kid. He made bad choices. There’s no need for such strong dislike…”

This was followed by some “ooohs and ohhhs”, a few whispers, “is she sticking up for him??”, more giggles and finally... “my mom’s in love with Justin Bieber” (!!!). Sigh….when you don’t have siblings, it’s only right that you pick on your mother (??). Moreover, this ‘fact’ has been repeated to friends – hers as well as mine. Good grief.

So let me go on record stating: I’m not a cougar. I have no plans on being one. And no Justin Bieber, I’m not in love with you. And now, I think I want to go throw up and then come back and continue with my thought and writing.

Hmm… Now that we have that matter settled, let me continue. I just want to believe that beneath it all, we’re all good. I want to believe that… and I need to believe that… and in my heart I know that it is true.

My ‘old-self’ would be like Justin Bieber in all his glory, while ‘my-self-in-sickness’ would be him arrested (or whatever happened. I refuse to do a fact check on the subject. The journalist in me is dying after all). And I really want to believe that there is good beneath the mess.  

I know sick people are told they are not their sickness. (And I’m not even the sickest person around. Time and again, I feel like I need to put in a disclaimer…To hear me write so much about illness, you would think I was about to die. I am not. But you know that. For those reading the blog are mostly people I know. Maybe the illness is providing the opportunity for me to reflect on things, or maybe my mind is just tad dramatic, or maybe this blog is my therapy. Or maybe I am scared that I may indeed become my illness and lose complete sight of the original person beneath (if that has not already happened. Sigh…)

It is hard. And when you’re having a bad day, it is hard to believe that beneath it all, things are good. And that I am good. So whether I need to go back into memory and find a time when I was not overwhelmed or scared by something, a time when everything seemed possible and even easy, or maybe when I handled difficult situations with poise and grace (yeah yeah…who said it was going to be easy?), or maybe a time when I remained centered and grounded when things around me shifted and seemed crazy…

I know I will find several instances. The question is…will I remember to look?

And Justin Bieber... I can't believe you found your way into my blog. Sigh...