Letting go….to dazzle…

We watched a ballet performance, last night. It was a beautiful show and my daughter and I soaked in the joy of music and movement and magic that any classical art offers.

As I watched the dancers move to the music with fluidity and finesse, but with a certain abandon, I marveled at how uninhibited their movements seemed and how liberated and free they must feel. So in tune with their bodies; so truly inhabiting their bodies; living only in the movement and the moment and the music.  

I remembered a time many many years ago, when I would be on stage, dancing and doing the same. And interestingly, I remembered my dance teacher telling me that I had “stage presence” and that I could turn into a “1000 watt bulb” on stage from a rather ordinary one (ahem…). Now you must understand that my dance teacher was a truly loving person, just very honest and unhesitant in speaking her mind.

In fact, I even remember her comparing me to a friend I learned dance with – who was older and who I admired and who gave me many a ride to class on her squeaky scooter. The conversation dripping with puzzlement and surprise (on my teacher’s part), went something like this. “Now she (my friend) is so very beautiful and dances so well, and yet on stage, you outdazzle her.” (more surprise, more confusion, more trying to figure it out). It was the day after a show and I was probably all of thirteen, and very thankful no one else was around to hear this. For my friend was indeed a delicate, graceful beauty and I was just as puzzled by whatever it was that was puzzling my teacher.

But I knew there was a compliment tucked in there, and I was quite willing to dive in and get it. Even if I wasn’t quite sure what she meant.

And I thought of her comment last night and smiled. And although I can no longer imagine being on a big stage, I wondered again why I had this ‘stage presence’ that my dance teachers would repeatedly talk about (with or without surprise).

And suddenly I wondered if that was my letting go….  And if so, letting go must allow us to dazzle…

Maybe on stage, under all those lights, bolstered by beautiful jewellery and make-up and silk, I simply let go of what others thought or had to say. Maybe I was always waiting for my teacher to comment or compliment or correct me while in class. But right there on stage, I knew what I knew and I was sure of what I knew and the only thing mattered in that moment was the music and the movement and the moment. And even if hundreds of people watched, it didn’t matter. For in the rhythm of that moment, I believed in myself. I was a star. I “dazzled” as my teacher said.

And if indeed I truly did, it could only be due to an enormous letting go of all else… of what people thought, what they said, of the mistakes I could make, of the mistakes and missteps I probably made right there, of expectations, of hesitations, of pressures, of self-doubts…

For the rhythm of the moment knew only being in tune with the body; and living only in the movement and the moment and the music…  and that must be magic...