Traditions

A lot of families have a lot of traditions. And they always bring out the “awww” in me. A mom told me of how she makes her kids hold the grade sign on the first day of school at the same spot every year. I said “awww… how sweet”. Another told me of how they click holiday pictures in the same spot every year. I said “awww… that’s really nice”. Friday movie nights, Tuesday board game nights, Wednesday mom-daughter cook-out, Thursday… you get the gist…

And although they bring out the “awww”, I realized we don’t have many such traditions. I wondered why. Darn… yet more evidence of imperfect parenting…sigh… Perhaps, I’m just not disciplined enough. Perhaps it would bring out some form of military exactitude madness in me (yes, and that is now a known phenomenon – and the mom-genre, in my opinion, is particularly susceptible). Perhaps, I’m worried the exactitude would prevent it from being fun anymore. Perhaps, I don’t want to commit to something in a ‘set in stone’ manner for fear of not being able to keep up with it.

That was when I realized, I had never encountered any such traditions growing up either. And then I stopped. What about the festivals? There are a lot of festivals in India. And you don’t have to be particularly religious or traditional to have festival traditions.

My thoughts went back to my small fingers threading golden marigolds to make bright garlands interspersed with green mango leaves. Or to the wonderful wonderful aromas from the kitchen right before Diwali. Or to my mother waking us up every Friday morning during a particular month with lighted oil wicks.  Cozy in our sheets, we would gaze sleepily at the flame from the small silver oil lamps, being moved around us, with the intention of blessing us.

I laughed as I remembered how scared I used to be to go visit a particular cow, not far from our house to celebrate a festival that honored cows. Cows, as you all know, are gentle, docile beings. But not this one. Her flared nostrils indicated her perpetual bad mood and my six-year-old self was convinced that she had something against me. But I didn’t want my grandmom to go there by herself and insisted on tagging along. My intention was mostly to convince my grandmom to place the food for the cow on the ground and not hold it out – so close to her mouth, big teeth and flaring nostrils. I was worried she would chomp on my poor grandmom’s hand. And painful (and now hilarious as it may seem) – it was also a tradition – complete with my anxiety, my grandma’s devotion and the cow’s flaring nostrils.

I began to feel better as I realized that even if I didn’t set it down in stone, there are probably some things my daughter will remember as family traditions when she grows up – whether or not they revolve around festivals. I thought of the past weekend which was Ganesh chaturthi (an Indian festival). And I realized that the two of us make modak (steamed rice flour dumplings with sweet coconut filling) every year. This year, they really didn’t turn out like they should. The rice flour was way too old and not malleable or soft. But it didn’t bother her – it was all the same to her and she ate them with just as much gusto.

A couple of years ago, as she kneaded the dough and made surfboards (ahem…) with the modak dough, she asked me if I would join her and her kids when they made modak. I thought the smile would never leave my face and my heart.

Halloween pumpkins, Diwali sweets, Christmas decorations (yes we celebrate all the Indian festivals and all the American ones… Yes…Fall is quite busy, in our household).

I suppose, in the end, we all do what is most important to us and what is most fun for us. And whether or not we know it or realize it, we are making traditions as we go – whether or not they revolve around festivals. And even if they are not the precise kind, chances are that time and again, there will be a beautiful confluence of emotion, intention and timing, out of which associations and traditions will form…and out of that will form, sweet memories… whether or not you plan them out, or just let them happen...