Letting go…of doing something just because you said you would do it

Last week I expressed dismay about not completing a thought. I wrote at length about finishing the incomplete thought. I set out on a mission.

I know of the incomplete prose that lies hidden in my computer and tucked away in notebooks strewn around the house. So I embarked on the project to dig them out and complete what I had started.

I riffled through electronic files. I found many. I read some; I balked at others. Some inspired me; others gave me a knot in my stomach.

I did find a piece of writing that I wanted to add to. I didn’t necessarily complete ‘that’ thought. I simply attached my present day thoughts to that piece. But for the most part, I was hit by a gamut of emotions when I read what I found.

While I imagine I may be a somewhat guarded person these days, most walls come crumbling down when I write and that was apparent. Emotions were staring at me through the black and white words. Some were heavy, some were fun, some were hard to read; but they were all in the past.

I had moved on. Away from the words I was staring at. True. They were all my words. But the flow of my words, the course of my thoughts, the beating of my heart no longer shared the same rhythm of the previous sentiment.

Completing the earlier thought seemed like a contrived activity. Like a phony project. And why would I want to embark on anything that doesn’t seem real enough?

So I simply let go.