Letting go…of not acknowledging the ‘intangibles’

The intangible value of being kind

A while back, an old schoolmate sent me a message on facebook. I was very happy to meet her in cyberworld after many years. “I remember you as a little girl with braids and an amazing talent for speech writing”, she wrote. My jaw dropped. My ego rose. Fancy her remembering something like that. Of course, I had no recollection of penning any earth moving speeches but happily believed her memory.

I was ever so touched – how kind of her to remember a trivial thing like that and to mention it to me after all these decades. So to reciprocate the kindness, I racked my brains to remember her dazzling endeavors – music, art, theater, singing, sports, academics… oh I wished something would surface. I racked my brain hard – but no, nothing. Not due to her lack of “talents”, but mostly due to my poor memory.

The one thing I remembered very clearly was that she was a really kind person. And her little note to me was evidence enough. It was heartwarming to know she was still just as nice, if not nicer.

But really, how could I write back saying that I remembered her as being a really nice person? How strange would that seem, right? And then I asked myself… why was it weird to tell a person that she was kind? It would be perfectly fine to tell her how well she sang or played basketball. Why then did I balk at the idea of telling her she was nice?

Is it our society that sets the tone for this? Tangible achievements – academics, arts, sports or whatever are awarded for sure. Why then do we hesitate to recognize personal values as kindness or honesty with as much gusto? Why don’t we give prizes to our children for being compassionate, or thoughtful or sincere?

For in the long run, which of these qualities would prove more valuable? My ability to string a few words together or my friend’s intangible quality of kindness?